Author's Note: Darkness, and its connection to evil, was constantly portrayed in this section of Jekyll and Hyde, and contrary, light and its connection to good, was also heavily displayed. Along with the chain of events happening, and the times of their occurrence, it is obvious that something mysteriously evil happens at night—especially when dense with fog. To show the duality of dark and light, and evil and good, I decided to, similar to my previous piece, to write a poem with two main sections, clearly explaining the differences between the two.
Fog lifting, and sun rising,
The sky becomes a beautiful hue of blue,
Serving as a loving home to many creatures
As it surrounds the world below,
In a warm, caring embrace...
With a cheerful clack,
Jump ropes repeatedly
Hit the pavement in a rhythmic manner,
Young feet leaping, leaving all worries behind,
Only focusing on the current, blissful feeling.
Children’s laughter fills the air,
Warming the hearts of everyone who hears,
Joining in a joyful game,
All families near come together,
Spreading the needed love.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
As the sun sinks behind the horizon,
The world changes—
The once beautiful and peaceful pink sky,
Home to so much life,
Now remains as a hollow, devilish black shell,
Hovering over the hellish scene below…
With an ear-shattering crack,
Hundreds of bullets shower an innocent home.
Tires screech, attempting to gain grip on the gravel below,
Trying desperately to flee the scene.
High pitch screams fill the air,
Sending terror through neighboring homes
Lifeless in a crimson pool of blood,
Lays the limp body of a young boy,
One with much potential.
I liked this alot Allie. I liked how you decided to show two sides again. It really got your point across! It was short and sweet, there wasn't anthing that i really thought you should change. Good Job! I never really thought in depth about this topic but you really made me realize that it was there!
ReplyDeleteAllie, I loved how you showed the duality between light and dark through the life of a family. During the day, it seems like our world is perfect, the light gives off a illuminated glow, but at night, the dark makes us seem naked with our fears and horrors exposed. If you had to change anything, I think you should try to make the lines and stanzas shorter and more concise during the evil part, truly showing that helplessness and vulnerable. Other than that, I felt that your organization was perfect, especially how you saved the evil for last, like the end of the day. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing! You are becoming a really good creative writer, and this poem shows it! I love how you use the parallel idea of paradox - I don't see anything wrong with this piece! Good job :)
ReplyDeleteThis was really great Allie! You had great diction and vocabulary! I agree with Taylor, your paradox was amazing! Great job!
ReplyDeleteYou're so good at writing poems, I really like how you have the two contrasting sections, the second one was really unexpected! I didn't really notice anything wrong, so great job! :)
ReplyDeleteLike everybody else mentioned, I really liked the contrasting poems! Something about that you could change is to make them match with the amount of syllables each line has... just a thought! But it was delightful, I loved the descriptive words you used. I could tell that every word had a purpose. Great job!
ReplyDeleteKaren pretty much said it, you should the duality of light and dark really well! And of course your diction is always amazing. Based on your last to responsees I can tell that you love writing poems and you are good at it too! I wish I had that. I do think it would be cool to see another way of writing your next response though. Some phrases I felt could have been made even stronger to add more emotion behind your story. Great Job!:)
ReplyDeleteWow! I had considered doing this subject, but I finally decided that it was too hard, so kudos for trying it! You're really talented at making analogies and using them to put contrast on the other half of your poem is brilliant. One thing: I don't think that the line "The world changes—" is necessary. It feels to me like that is the whole point of your poem, and I would personally like it better if you left it to the reader to figure it out from context. Otherwise, great job!
ReplyDeleteyou are so good at writing poems! I love the title and the idea behind this and how you portrayed it. I like how you used a jump roping scene to demonstrate the good during the day and a hit and run to demonstrate the evil that comes at night. The end made me feel confused as to why evil has to happen to a world with so much potential. And that's something in our world today to really think about. Your word choice was great and really gave your story more power. Also the imagery was excellent. When you talked about the tires trying to grip the gravel that was cool because you could have just said "the car struggling to get away" but you made it sound so much better by going into detail. It would have been cool to see you go back to the day when the good once again returns and talk about how the boy is at peace in God's "warm, caring embrace" but other than that this really made me think and I loved reading it. Good job al!
ReplyDeleteAllie, I really liked how you wrote a poem relating to what happens in the book. I do agree with Jennifer though, you should try and maybe match syllables or maybe make them rhyme, it may flow a little better together. But in total it was a very good poem. Great Job!
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